"But we fear to be we know not what."
TRANSITIVE VERB: 1a. To cause to be different: change the spelling of a word. b. To give a completely
different form or appearance to; transform: changed the yard into a garden.
How to change
Using a 3-Step Process
Extracted from: www.learningcenter.net/library/ change.shtml
When you can answer,
'What am I afraid of,' you can change.
Your ability to change is not a matter of willpower.
Your willpower will be there when you take
In our myths about leaders, we often visualize fearless warriors beating out paths
to new visions and conquests.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Fear
is a survival mechanism, a requirement for life and well-being. While having fear is very different than allowing fear to
dictate, fear does exist.
Since virtually everyone has fears, to pose as fearless simply exposes a fear of seeming
1. Admit your
2. Identify whether your organization is complicating things with
its own fears.
3. Take two simple measures to counter both.
Complaints, even silent complaints, expose fears. When we
complain to blame or to get others to agree negatively, the activity is unproductive. When we complain to harvest understanding,
we open the door for change.
Each time you engage in a "water cooler buzz," by participating or by seeming to agree,
you are indirectly expressing fears. The fears vary greatly; the following are typical for the work environment.
10 Fears1. Retribution
Do you fear exclusion from advancement, from
the 'inner circle', or even from your job? If so, you may find yourself talking about, rather than with, a source of potential
Some organizations unwittingly invite such fears by not explaining punitive
actions, leaving people to fill the void with negative assumptions.
fears of failure are actually about beingexposed. Are you assuming that "a" failure means "you" are a failure? Is your
organization inviting risk-averse behavior by providing undue consequence?
Sometimes a "what's the use, I've tried before" attitude masks a fear of closure, of finding out the real truth.
If you really cannot impact your situation, then you could accept that, you could continue complaining, or you could make
a change yourself.
These are fears of not getting something we already don't have. Tactless communication can exacerbate our hurt, but
the objective results of not trying and of rejection are identical.
Even "benign" authority can be imposing. Many of these fears are ubiquitous, unconsciously applied to all authority
because of earlier generalizations. In the present, are you making undue assumptions about this particular authority?
Can you find one authority that belies your pre-conceived notions?
organizations dramatize control fears by allowing management to dictate, rather than lead and collaborate.
Most of us have had fears of looking foolish, of seeming incompetent, of being taken for granted, of needing help.
When our "solution" to these fears is to avoid the problem, we often find ourselves in a
`poor me' complaint.
The fear of
conflict, or of strong emotional reaction, is widespread and particularly insidious. Many diverse views come from others,
and come packaged as disagreements. When we avoid these, we exclude much available intelligence.
Fears of "running
out of problems to solve" often generate unnecessary crisis and melodrama. When we aren't identifying the underlying fears,
this freneticism looks like work and tends to be self-perpetuating.
Fears that "it won't come out right" are often mis-identified. Except for language barriers, these fears are more
accurately fears of embarrassment, rejection or failure.
10. Change Itself
Has anyone ever tried to change you, or to "fix" you? If it didn't work, why not?
It is normal to feel resistant to change. Though our resistance often feels amorphous,
the source is actually a precise set of fears.
Your organization or team may be dramatizing its own fears by imposing
change rather than managing buy-in. Nonetheless, if you find yourself complaining, mentally or verbally, about "another change,"
there are fears impeding your ability to succeed.
You Can Change
Let's say, for example, that your organization
is downsizing. You are being asked to do much more with fewer resources and longer hours. The changes seem imposed; you find
yourself resistant. You wish to succeed in these new circumstances, but your willpower feels inconsistent.
What is holding you back is what you're afraid of.
Unidentified, your generalized fears will seem like threatened survival. Left unattended, these fears
will grow and obscure solutions. The "water cooler buzz" may exacerbate without helping to identify fears.
Your first positive step is to get specific. Your specific fears, and the organization's,
will become apparent as you list your complaints.
practical steps, even small steps, can you take to counter each fear?
may get a good last look at your resistance in the form of inertia. Your mind may plead `overwhelm, it's too much.' If so,
force yourself to take that first action, even a little one.
Change Is As Change Does
Positive action is effective
for two reasons. First, it yields objective information, which helps distinguish exaggerated from real risk. Second, positive
action clearly separates having fear from being driven by fear. When you begin changing fundamental habits,
successful behavior comes naturally.
As you work down your list of steps, you
will find that willpower-and courage-grow with action. At that point, you can change.
How Change Happens
Change begins when one becomes 'aware' and 'conscious' of personal
decisions. As options for responding increase, lasting relationships become more possible. For example, people may not
be aware that anger is a secondary emotion. This means that when a person reacts in anger, the primary emotion (e.g.
feeling frustrated, unheard, disrespected etc...) is not communicated nor dealt with in a productive way.
This selection also addresses other mental, spiritual, physical, and emotional barriers to changing one's
angry or violent behavior into calm responses.